Audra McDonie, Author at An Introvert's View

Practices to Help You Become More Resilient

Audra McDonie / Self-Help / Leave a Comment

Resilient people face life head-on. They don’t fall into despair or use unhealthy coping strategies to get through the hard times in their lives. They experience the same grief, stress, and anxiety as other people, but they have a way of letting the things they go through make them stronger instead of defeating them

We all have our fair share of resilience, if we didn’t we’d spend our lives at home in bed under the covers. That being said, I still think most of us could benefit from learning how to be more resilient. According to the Center on Developing Children at Harvard University, the capabilities that are needed for resilience can be strengthened at any age. So lucky for us, it’s never too late to develop more resiliency!

qualities of a person with well developed resiliency

Feel in control, which allows them to make changes and prosper in their life.
Have a survivor mentality: They believe they’re strong, and that they’ll make it through anything that comes their way.
Manage their emotions when in a stressful situation.
Look at problems rationally and come up with solutions.
Realize that adversity and negative emotions won’t last forever, so when bad things happen they are more optimistic.
Give themselves self-compassion and acceptance.
Have a mental reservoir of strength to draw on in hard times.
Have healthy coping habits. They don’t try to escape their problems.

I don’t know about you, but it would be helpful to me to develop more of the above qualities. So what can we do to become more resilient?

practices to Help You become more resilient:

Learn to Reframe Negative Thoughts

One way to do this is to focus on a small thing that you can take action on. Even if a situation is really bad, you can still find things within your control to improve.

Also, try to look at challenges or problems in your life in a positive light. Tell yourself that the problems are here to make you stronger and to help you learn new ways of doing things.

Change your self-talk

Your inner voice can make experiences better or worse. If it’s positive, you feel less stressed and things work out easier. If your self-talk tends to be negative, things seem more difficult and you feel more stressed.

How do we change our inner dialogue from negative to positive?

Write down whenever you catch yourself thinking negatively.

Try thought stopping – when you notice a negative thought, stop it mid-stream and say to yourself “stop.” Saying it aloud is even better because you’ll notice your thoughts more.

Do the rubber band snap – Put a rubber band around your wrist. When you notice negative self-talk pull the band back and let it snap on your wrist. The sting of the rubber band will make you more aware of your negative thoughts and help in stopping them.

Replace negative thoughts with milder or more positive ones. Ex: Negative thought:” I can’t believe I did that. I’m so stupid.” Milder version: “I made a mistake. I don’t have to be perfect and I will learn from my mistake.”

Build resiliency on a daily basis

You are what you repeatedly do. Resiliency is built through decisions and actions that you make and do daily. Small challenges dealt with and overcome in a healthy way are excellent practice for when larger adversity comes your way. You will have developed the tools and thought processes needed to handle even the most difficult situations. Remember, how you handle the minor moments is how you will handle the big moments.

Find your purpose

One of my favorite books is Victor Frankel’s “Man’s Search For Meaning.” This amazing quote is from it, “everything can be taken from a man, but one thing: the last of his human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances. To choose one’s way.” Research has shown that people with a stronger sense of purpose have more resilience, are more at peace and they also have better brain function. Having a purpose in life protects the brain against the negative side effects of stress. For help in finding your purpose, you can read my blog Find Your True Purpose Now.

Stay in the moment

Focus on the present moment. Most of our inner turmoil comes from thinking about the past or projecting what is to come in the future. The only time that actually exists is this moment right now. So be in it, do the next best thing in this moment and you will find a peace you didn’t know existed. For help in practicing mindfulness, you can read my blog Mindfulness Meditation – Begin Today To Change Your Life.

I think that resiliency is one of the most important tools we have in this life to get through it in a whole and healthy way. I hope that this blog helps you to become more resilient. Remember, “it’s your reaction to adversity, not adversity itself that determines how you life’s story will develop.” Dieter F. Uchtdord.

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5 summer survival tips

Audra McDonie / Just For Fun / Leave a Comment

Summer Survival Tip #1

how to Stay safe in the sun

The two most important things to have when spending a day out in the sun are sunscreen and sunglasses!

Sunscreen is important so you protect your skin from skin cancer, but wait 15 minutes after being in the sun to put it on so you can get vitamin D. Most people don’t get enough vitamin D, and our bodies make it when exposed to sunlight. It only takes 15 minutes in the sun to get your daily dose! (Sun Bum sunscreen is my favorite. It’s non-toxic and I never get burned when I use it.)

Sunglasses are important to protect your eyes from the sun. They protect from UV light, cataracts, macular degeneration, reduce headaches & migraines, and from outdoor debris. (Make sure your sunglasses say they protect against UV rays.)

Summer Survival Tip #2

Hydration 101

Follow these helpful hints when temperatures are high or you’re very active:

Drink half to one ounce of water for each pound that you weigh (sports drinks can be part of this)
Stay inside when it’s too hot
Don’t wait until your thirsty to drink something
Dress for the weather
Flavor your water

Signs of dehydration:

Darker than usual urine
Drowsiness
Irritability
Fever or chills
Fast heartbeat
Craving sweets
Bad breath
Dry mouth
Muscle cramps

Hydration is extremely important for your health. When you are working, exercising, or having fun out in the heat, it should be a top priority!

Summer Survival tip #3

super easy beach hacks

Make a beach lei out of sponges. Buy some big sponges, cut them up and thread them to make a necklace. When you get to the beach or pool and get it wet the evaporation will help keep you cool.

Use a fitted sheet to keep your blanket sand free. Turn the fitted sheet fitted side up and then put bags, coolers and such in the corners. Voila, keeps the sand and the wind to a minimum!

Use a sled with a long handle to put all your beach stuff on and then drag it across the sand.

Summer Survival Tip #4

how to keep Mosquitos away Naturally

Buy a couple of limes, cut them in half, and then stick cloves in each of the halves. Put these around your outdoor area.
Mix up one-third cup 3% hydrogen peroxide and two-thirds cup water and spray around the perimeter of where you’ll be spending time outside.
Mosquitos hate lavender. Put a few drops of lavender oil on your hands and rub in before you go outside.
Mix 1 TBSP. pure vanilla extract with 1 TBSP. water and apply to your skin with a cotton ball.

summer survival Tip #5

Unique Cookout Party hacks

Put all your condiments in a muffin pan. It will take up less room at your table and it will be easier for your guests.

Create an instant snack bowl with any bag of chips. It’s simple, looks cool and it makes it a lot easier to eat the chips. Just fold the top part of the bag inward a couple of times and then roll up from the bottom- instant bowl!

Rub half an onion over your grill to make it non-stick. It also adds flavor!

I hope that you learned some new tips! Some of these are new to me too and I’m excited to try them out. Take care and keep cool!

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how to never be bored

Audra McDonie / Self-Help / Leave a Comment

I don’t get bored very often. I am intrigued by the world around me. There are so many things that I find interesting, places I want to travel, and things I want to experience. As Henry Miller said so eloquently, “develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music – the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls, and interesting people. Forget yourself.”

My grandmother used to say you have to have “joi de vivre” or “a love of life.” This is the feeling you have when you’re doing something that brings you great enjoyment. Many times this joi de vivre gives us joy because it allows us to escape ourselves; by helping someone else, creating something or by having fun.

I believe it’s extremely important for every one of us to find things in life that make us happy to be alive. Things that make us want to jump out of bed because we can’t wait to get to them. I hope that this blog will give you more joi de vivre!

Learn to Moodle

This idea comes from writer Brenda Ueland. She thinks that our imaginations need moodling, which she defines as” long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling and puttering” to flourish. During this time she says to do some “personal sleuthing” to find out what brings you pleasure. Think about the things you enjoyed in your past, but set aside because life got in the way. Did you like spending Sunday afternoons meandering through art galleries or museums? Did you used to paint or write poetry? Volunteer at a hospital? Moodling allows you to take the time to get to know who you are and what gets you excited about life. It’s impossible to be excited about something and bored at the same time!

do some research

There’s so much to do and experience in the world. You’d be surprised at how many fun things there are to do and ways there are to give back in your own town. It’s easy to get tunnel vision sometimes and never really venture past our tried and true daily experiences. There’s a whole world out there. Why not go on a fact-finding mission to see what looks interesting and excites you? Then go out and try new things, because you never know where your joi de vivre will come from, and at the very least it will keep you from being bored!

be less selfish

In Richard Winter’s book, Still Bored in A Culture of Entertainment, he makes a case that boredom and selfishness are related. “One of the reasons why boredom has become so much more common is because we have become preoccupied with looking after ourselves, making sure our needs are met, and to put it bluntly, we have become too selfish.”

Let’s face it, we’re all selfish. It is part of the human condition. It’s important to realize that selfishness is a part of who we are, so we can work on overcoming it. Selfishness is a major contributor to boredom and unhappiness. A preoccupation with ourselves and our problems is never going to be conducive to bringing us more joi de vivre. So in light of this fact, here are some things you can do to become less selfish and I promise less bored too!

Listen attentively to people – Attentively meaning; eye contact and nodding. Ask them questions and show them that you’re interested.
Give sincere compliments – Not just about someone’s looks, but something that you admire or respect about them as a person.
Clean up after yourself and help others.
Take the focus off yourself and on to someone else.
Put your phone aside when there are other people around.
Give blood.
Make plans with someone you care about.
Tell a joke and make people laugh.
Be empathetic when you know someone is going through a bad time.

As Ferris Bueller said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while you could miss it.” I hope this blog inspires you to take a look around and get outside yourself and your usual limits. There are so many amazing and beautiful things in this world that there is absolutely no time to be bored. However, there is plenty of time to nurture and develop more joi de vivre!

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8 Ways to truly relax

Audra McDonie / Health & Wellness / Leave a Comment

I needed to write this blog for myself. My idea of relaxing most of the time is watching television or playing on my phone. These activities are fine, but they shouldn’t be the only way in which I recharge. If you’re anything like me you probably don’t use your downtime in a way that makes you feel relaxed and recharged either. Today I’m sharing some things you can do that will truly leave you more relaxed; body, mind, and spirit!

8 Ways to truly Relax

1) Read

Reading is an amazing way to relax. It improves our mental health as well as reduces stress. It also enhances our focus, memory, empathy, and communication skills. In addition to all that, it also teaches us new things!

2) Take A Warm Bath

Soaking in a warm bath can do amazing things for our stress levels. It relaxes our muscles and lowers blood pressure. Taking a bath before bedtime can also improve sleep!

3) Do a Guided Meditation

Guided meditation is a perfect way to relax and destress after a busy day. There are so many great guided meditation apps available. Here are a few of my favorites; Calm, Insight Timer, and Headspace.

4) Exercise

Exercise not only relaxes us but also improves our health and sense of well-being. Exercise pumps up the feel-good chemicals in our brains. It is a meditation in motion, which allows us to forget the stresses of our day by concentrating on the movement of our bodies.

5) Spend Time Outside

Time spent outside in nature is an amazing way to relax. A walk around the neighborhood or a hike in the woods lowers blood pressure, reduces stress hormone levels, improves immune system function, and increases self-esteem. It also reduces anxiety and buoys mood!

6) Spend Time With Your Pets

Spending time cuddling and playing with animals is very relaxing. It reduces levels of cortisol and lowers blood pressure. Time with animals can also decrease feelings of loneliness and boost our mood.

7) Listen To Music

Music is a great relaxation technique. It’s also great for our mental health. The rhythmic and repetitive aspect of music does something to our brain that automatically calms us.

8) Go For A Massage Or Facial

A facial or massage is a wonderful way to relax and a great form of self-care. It’s important to incorporate special forms of relaxation and self-care into our busy schedules. It’s okay to be pampered once in a while – we deserve it!

I hope you will try to integrate some of these relaxation activities into your weekly schedule. I think you’ll have more peace and be more rested if you are intentional with how you spend your downtime!

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Summer Playlist 2022

Audra McDonie / Entertainment / Leave a Comment

I just created my 2nd annual summer playlist! Music is an important part of my life. I enjoy finding great new music. My kids are into music too, so they’re always introducing me to wonderful new artists. I wanted to share some of the music I’ve been listening to lately. I hope that you’re having an amazing summer and that you enjoy some of these tunes!

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Acceptance is the road to change

Audra McDonie / Self-Help / Leave a Comment

Accept How You feel

Why has it been drilled into our heads since birth that we should strive to be happy all the time? Happiness seems like a fickle master to me. There’s so much information out there on how to live a happier life. I’ve written a blog or two on the subject myself. Maybe happiness isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. What if when we’re unhappy we accepted and embraced it, instead of fighting it and feeling bad that we’re not happy?

As human beings, we’re going to experience all kinds of emotions. The chemicals in our bodies reacting to the environment make us feel sad, excited, scared, lonely, afraid, and a myriad of other emotions that are not happy.

Emotions are normal and they change a lot, just like the weather. We don’t feel bad when bad weather rolls in, instead, we accept it and wait for it to pass. Our emotions change faster than the weather and the majority of the time happiness is not in the forecast. So let’s take ourselves off the hook and accept whatever emotion might pass through us at any given time.

Instead of suppressing how we feel, let’s notice and observe the emotions instead. We need to stop beating ourselves up for having negative feelings. By facing our negative emotions and not judging ourselves, we can see ourselves clearly and not as we want to be. To make the life we want, we must accept what and where we are!

Accept Who You Are

Below is an amazing quote about accepting who we are and not caring what other people think of us:

“We are going to cross paths with people that just don’t understand us. That’s just a part of life.

Stop worrying about what other people think of you and focus on yourself instead.

Focus on what makes you happy, focus on what makes your soul at peace.

You are the biggest commitment, so start loving your flaws, your awkwardness, your weirdness, your intensity and your vulnerability.

Life becomes so much more fulfilling when you are just simply yourself.

The world keeps spinning whether people understand you or not, so why not make this next trip around the sun about you.”
The Mind Journal – Unknown

acceptance is the road to change

Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up and it doesn’t mean approving of something we don’t like. It also doesn’t mean we’ve failed or surrendered, and that we’re still not working for change. Acceptance only means that we’re aware that things are what they are.

When we make the decision to accept a person, place or thing we’re taking the first step to making a change when it’s possible and to finding peace when change isn’t possible. It also allows us to accept life as it is, not what we wish it was, or want it to be, and not what we think it should be.

It doesn’t mean we’re giving up. Actually, it takes a lot of effort to accept the things we cannot change and change the things we can. It also takes a lot of wisdom to discern between the two.

Surprisingly, pain doesn’t cause suffering, but resistance to pain does. We suffer when we want reality to be different than it is. One beautiful way to stop this resistance is to practice Amor Fati, which means loving fate. Not just accepting, but absolutely loving what is! It asks us to stop wishing for different outcomes and to stop the what-ifs and if onlys. Accepting the things we cannot change and embracing them!

I hope this blog was as enlightening to you as it was to me. I found that acceptance is a very powerful tool for self-discovery and peace. I have spent a lot of time wishing for different outcomes and getting caught up in the what-ifs and if-onlys. I see what a waste of time this is and I also see how it causes me undue suffering. I’m going to make every effort to practice Amor Fati and accept and embrace my destiny. I hope that I have inspired you to do the same!

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